It's been a rough day. I got messages from family last night that my grandma's leukemia had progressed and she had also developed an infection. The doctors didn't think she would be able to recover from it and possibly had a week. Then I got the call less than 12 hours later that she was gone.
Peace Corps grants emergency leave for immediate family only and since my assignment was only to be 3 months, I didn't qualify for regular leave either. I'll have to "early terminate", which means quitting. It was an obvious decision because my family will always be the most important thing in my life, but it was a difficult one because I truly love it here. Rwanda is beautiful and its people are strong and determined to create a better life. However, if I think about looking back on this experience, I would feel a million times worse about not being there for my family and to remember my darling grandma together than I would about leaving a 3 month job. I also can't imagine being here, so alone, going through this. One of my favorite authors says in one of his books, "Pain shared, my brother, is pain not doubled but halved. No man is an island." -Neil Gaiman
Nancy Lee (Lantz) White was the strongest, most caring woman I've ever known. She cared deeply and fiercely for her family and had a way of making each and every one of us feel uniquely special. She was a constant that kept our family together. I'll never forget her beautiful singing voice, her love for Tom Selleck, her patience as she taught me how to make her famous Christmas bonbons, and countless sleepovers, making forts, and eating popcorn and peanut butter cups. The relationship she had with my grandpa has always been and still is my idealized version of love. The way he looked at her and claimed that everything she cooked was the best thing he had ever tasted. The way they put each other on a pedestal. The way they slow danced in the kitchen just because. A love that will never be duplicated, only aspired to.
It's hard to be here while my family is so far, but I'll be getting on a plane tomorrow afternoon and I'll be in San Diego on Wednesday afternoon. The services will be in Indiana, where my grandparents are from, so I'll be heading there as soon as possible. Please keep my family in your thoughts.
I love you, my darlin' grandma.