Going Home

It's been a rough day. I got messages from family last night that my grandma's leukemia had progressed and she had also developed an infection. The doctors didn't think she would be able to recover from it and possibly had a week. Then I got the call less than 12 hours later that she was gone. 

Peace Corps grants emergency leave for immediate family only and since my assignment was only to be 3 months, I didn't qualify for regular leave either. I'll have to "early terminate", which means quitting. It was an obvious decision because my family will always be the most important thing in my life, but it was a difficult one because I truly love it here. Rwanda is beautiful and its people are strong and determined to create a better life. However, if I think about looking back on this experience, I would feel a million times worse about not being there for my family and to remember my darling grandma together than I would about leaving a 3 month job. I also can't imagine being here, so alone, going through this. One of my favorite authors says in one of his books, "Pain shared, my brother, is pain not doubled but halved. No man is an island." -Neil Gaiman

Nancy Lee (Lantz) White was the strongest, most caring woman I've ever known. She cared deeply and fiercely for her family and had a way of making each and every one of us feel uniquely special. She was a constant that kept our family together. I'll never forget her beautiful singing voice, her love for Tom Selleck, her patience as she taught me how to make her famous Christmas bonbons, and countless sleepovers, making forts, and eating popcorn and peanut butter cups. The relationship she had with my grandpa has always been and still is my idealized version of love. The way he looked at her and claimed that everything she cooked was the best thing he had ever tasted. The way they put each other on a pedestal. The way they slow danced in the kitchen just because. A love that will never be duplicated, only aspired to. 

It's hard to be here while my family is so far, but I'll be getting on a plane tomorrow afternoon and I'll be in San Diego on Wednesday afternoon. The services will be in Indiana, where my grandparents are from, so I'll be heading there as soon as possible. Please keep my family in your thoughts. 

I love you, my darlin' grandma.

First Full Day

Full of food, new friends, new places, new people.

The place we're staying is really nice and feels like summer camp. Bunk beds and lines for the showers, cooking together, and playing board games. (Hot water showers!)There are 12 of us starting out together. We found out the real reason we're here. Apparently about 25 volunteers left Rwanda at the same time, either by "administrative separation" (kicked out) or "early termination" (quit). We're filling the gap until the end of the school year before the next group of education volunteers come in September.

We took a driving tour of Kigali yesterday and saw some really nice buildings and landscaping and walked through a market. I've never seen so many flies in one place but the variety of fruits and vegetables looked great! Then we went to a small grocery store at night and bought some pasta and vegetables to cook. The selection there was not great, but it's do-able. It's only 3 months. (Reminder to self.)

We're starting intensive language courses today. (4 hours starting at 8am.) YIKES! But I'm looking forward to it. Although, they've told us we can pretty much manage in English in most places and it's worked so far.

The money is about 7.22 Rwandan Francs to 1 US dollar, which means I'll never be able to calculate it in my head and will instead just pretend it's Monopoly money and say "take what you need" haha.

Okay gotta go to class. Just wanted to check in and tell you I survived day 1 of 90.

<3

Oh p.s. no dogs! It's a cultural/history-related thing, but they don't have strays and hardly any pet dogs! My butt will be safe for a few months.

On the Road Again

"Goin' places I've never been
Seein' things that I may never see again
And I can't wait to get on the road again."

Present: I'm sitting at a table in the Amsterdam airport, charging my electronics, facing the moving walkway and almost every passerby is speaking a different language. I arrived at 5am local time and nothing was open, the terminal was so calm and eerily serene. My connecting flight wasn't listed on the board yet since I arrived close to 5 hours prior so I grabbed a seat so I could check in with the family. I was sitting alone in a peaceful area and started quietly sending messages to Mom, Dad, and Carly when I heard gagging and retching nearby. A man was vomiting in the trashcan near me. I love traveling.

Past: Spending 3 months at home on "summer vacation" was so amazing and just what I needed. I loved every second I spent with my niece and nephew, my sister, parents, and friends and I felt as though I recharged my American batteries. I was lucky enough to be able to take a trip up to Seattle to visit one of my best friends, go on a beautiful camping/road trip up the coast, and visit my darlin' grandma, uncle, and aunt for a couple days. It flew by and as I was packing last night (just a few hours before it was time to leave for the airport- you know how I do) I felt as though I had just unpacked my giant backpack only to fill it back up with guesses as to what I'll need for the next few months. I feel so extremely fortunate to have such supportive family and friends and I can never thank my mom enough for all the food and love and being the place I can always come home to. And my sister for letting me borrow her car and letting me spend the night at least once a week so I could wake up to the cutest little voice saying "Chowsea!" I had a mini "see you later" party this week and was again so happily surprised by all the school supplies my friends bought me to donate. My heart (and bags) are so very full.

Future: I'll arrive in Kigali, Rwanda around 7pm on Sunday August 9th and I'll spend a week there for training. Then I'll head to my site and teach in a high school for 3 months. This experience will surely be very very different from Ecuador and although that makes me unexplainably nervous (because I'm a natural worry wart), it's also really exciting! I can't wait to not only experience a new culture and way of life, but also to challenge myself in an even more unknown environment than the last one I found myself in. I've been told I probably won't have electricity or running water and very limited access to internet and teaching resources. I'm ready.

Distant future: No, I still don't know what I'm going to do when I get back. =)

I'll do my best to update this when I can, but who knows?! I'll definitely keep writing even if it means with pen and paper and worst case scenario, I'll type everything in here in November.

When I say thank you for your support, those words really aren't enough to express how much it means to me. When you say I'm brave, it's because I know you have my back. When you say you're proud of me, you keep me going. I embrace challenges because I know that you'll love me whether I succeed or not. I only hope I make you feel the same.

Sending all my love,
Chels
<3