Happy MANniversary

As in MAN! I can't believe I've survived living in a different country for one whole year. And MAN! All the places I've seen and people I've met have been enough to fill a lifetime, I can't believe it's ONLY been a year. MAN! I can't wait to see what this next year brings. MAN! I'm lucky.

A Tale of the Greatest Accomplishment of my Peace Corps Career

As many of you may have seen on my facebook status, I have not been a very productive human being since returning to Ecuador. (Or maybe you’re not even my friend and you’re just creepin’ on my blog, well, welcome! And I’m sorry.) I spent a good few days wallowing in my own homesick misery and eating everything in sight. But tonight I have done something to make up for all the wasted time of my entire life, I have accomplished a feat I never thought possible, a milestone so extraordinary, I had to immediately write a blog post about it… I made homemade tortillas! I know what you’re thinking, “what could have caused you to even attempt such a seemingly impossible challenge?” See above, I ate everything in sight. I only had half an avocado, some salsa, and some chocolate (see previous blog about living the dream of getting paid in chocolate). 

I guess I shouldn’t bluff you beloved readers (and creepin’ strangers), these weren’t exactly Mission or Guerrero quality tortillas. (God! I had to google “brands of tortillas” in order to make that reference, THAT’s how long I’ve been out of SoCal. Pathetic.) Mine were definitely not circular, but instead, a shape I can only describe as “tortillangular”. Also, the flour here automatically comes with baking powder mixed into it (do not ask me why) so the tortillas kept rising. So I suppose they’re more like pita, or naan. OH SNAP you guys, I made homemade naan! This is going in the history books. 

The taste is pretty much tortilla-esque though. If tortillas taste like crackers. I’ve already eaten three so that’s pretty much a testament to their deliciousness, not just that they’re edible. 

I took a selfie with one of my yummy misshapen tortillas because come on, who wouldn’t?! (Microsoft Word still says that “selfie” isn’t a word. It’s 2014, MS, get with the program. Literally.)

I know what you’re thinking, “didn’t you get flour on your camera?” The answer is yes. But it was worth it to document this significant day. Also I'm sure you're wondering, “can I have your recipe??” Why yes, you can! I’m about to turn this shiz into a food blog! WASSUP!

Homemade Naan/Tortillas 

Ingredients:

2 cups flour for the mixture

1 cup flour for everywhere else

½ teaspoon salt

¾ cup water

3 tablespoons oil

A shit-ton of butter because I only have a

Crappy frying pan

Method:

1.      Mix the flour and salt with the measuring spoon so that you don’t have to dirty any unnecessary dishes. Dishwashers do not grow on trees.

2.      Mix in the water and oil using said measuring spoon, give up because it’s too tiny, and use your hands.

3.      Let the mixture sit for ten minutes. Or 3 and a half if you’re impatient.

4.      Get out your apple shaped cutting board that is just a little bit too small for any task you assign it and flour the board, the rolling pin, your hair, the floor, under your nails, any items nearby, and your butt. (Sometimes you get an itch that you just have to scratch.)

5.      Grab little blobs of the mixture and flatten them as best you can using an empty wine bottle as a rolling pin. A full wine bottle can be substituted but really, shouldn’t you be drinking it by now if you’re following this ridiculous recipe?

6.      Try very hard to make circles with the dough, fail, settle on tortillangular shape. Or hexagaNaan, accordingly.

7.      Transfer flattened dough to the warm frying pan resisting the urge to spin it in the air like a stereotypical Italian pizza chef. (It will fall apart. Trust me. And I only know a couple verses of “That’s amore”.)

8.      Cook each side of the tortilla/naan until it resembles food.

9.      Nom nom nom.

My Mona Lisa.