The Best Laid Plans

A LOT of people have been asking about my post Peace Corps plans. It stresses me out and I want it to stop. Haha! But it's completely understandable. The end is drawing near and it's time to make some decisions. 

My short-term plans are as such: I'll be "COS'ing" (Close of Service) one month early on March 5th and probably spend a weekend with my Ecua family before heading out. Then I plan to check out Colombia by bus, hopefully meeting Carolina's family at some point and maybe try to get to Yasuni before leaving Ecuador if I have time. Then I'll be flying down to Brazil to WWOOF. If you haven't heard of WWOOF'ing, it's basically a volunteer program for working on organic farms. I've heard back from 2 farms out of the 15 or so that I've contacted- one in Sao Paolo and one in Rio de Janeiro. They both cover all accommodation and meals. This is exactly what I wanted. It's getting real. I got my visa squared away last week and I've been studying Portuguese everyday. So you can't reeeallyy call me a procrastinator.

I'll be playing in the dirt for March and April and then I'll be at Tomorrowland in a small town outside of Sao Paolo in early May. If you haven't heard of Tomorrowland, it's a giant electronic music festival that's usually held in Belgium, but due to rising popularity, has recently started in Brazil and the US as well. I'll be camping at the festival and pretty much just getting one final South American party out of my system before heading back to the US to be a grown up. I should be back in the US by about May 8th-ish. I'm making sure to get to SD in time to celebrate Carly's 30th birthday! Exciting!

My long-term plans: I don't know. I'm strongly considering avoiding real life and leaving again, as I've been known to do in the past... After I graduated college, I moved up to San Francisco for 6 months in an attempt to put off adulthood and it ended up being one of the best times of my life. It was hard but if I had the choice to go back and do it again, I would. Although, when I got back to San Diego, reality meant toiling away in food service again, which was NOT the best time of my life. I was also volunteering which helped me to eventually get my big girl job at the Red Cross, which I loved, but I had to put in the hard time in cafes/restaurants/bars first to get by. I definitely believe in starting at the bottom, it helped me to appreciate working my way up, but I don't necessarily want to go back there. 

So I suppose maybe the smart decision would be to just woman up and try to find a stable, worthwhile job in the US. Get an apartment, buy a car, pay bills. But I just don't think I'm ready for that, or maybe not even meant to do that... ever. I'm 28 and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I know I want to see the world and I know I want my job to be something that makes others' lives easier. I couldn't have a more vague future.

I'm thinking about going to Southeast Asia, Thailand or Cambodia, or maybe Africa to volunteer, although for a shorter term this time around. Maybe 6 to 9 months. My host mom says this is a terrible idea because there's no way I'm going to find a husband in those countries hahaha as if that were my plan. The thing is, the experience I've gained during these two years has been invaluable, but in a professional sense, I've gained a lot of experience teaching English, which is not what I want to do with my life. So I'd like to go abroad again and work in a field I'd maybe like to pursue. Anti-trafficking, humanitarian relief, refugee assistance, I don't know! Any time I start to feel overwhelmed and stressed about all the possibilities, I have to force myself to take a step back and think, "look at all the possibilities!" and I am bathed in gratitude.

The glass is completely full. It has half water, half air. And my cup runneth over. Or something like that.

2 Years

My anniversary in Ecuador (2 years) came and went a few days ago without all the pomp and circumstance and thought I gave it last year. Life has just become so normal. I don't count up the days I've been here nor do I count down to leaving. I'm in this uncertain, in-between state, not ready for what's to come, but starting to feel the end of what's been. A ship between ports. I'M ON A METAPHORIC BOAT, y'all!

We had our "Close of Service Conference" last week, talked about future endeavors (including bs like resume building and networking), planned our goodbyes, and processed the last two crazy years. I only cried once, briefly, which is clear proof that I'm in denial. (It's not just a river in Egypt.) I refused to say goodbye to the other volunteers because we're trying to plan a final party in February, but really because I'm not ready. I just started to write out how much they mean to me, got choked up, erased it, and thought "I'll do it later", as I've done with so many things in the past couple weeks.

As an ode to the last two years, this is my comprehensive "firsts" list. It's not in any particular order and I'm sure there are things I forgot to include, but this is some of the ish I've done in the past 2 years:

• saw fireflies
• went ziplining
• milked a cow
• lived abroad
• ate pig foot soup
• made out under a waterfall
• attended a quinceañera
• told a funny story in another language
• gave away/sold almost all my stuff
• pet a monkey
• vomited sober
• adopted another family as my own
• took a bucket shower
• ate guinea pig
• used a squat toilet
• fed butterflies
• discovered my love for chicken neck
• fell in love in a weekend
• bartered
• watched bullfighting and sheepfighting
• went to a dog show
• saw a volcano erupt
• shot strangers in the face with foam (Carnaval)
• danced in a parade
• binge watched Netflix for over 5 hours
• rode on "la bestia" behind a speed boat
• became a godmother 
• pet a llama
• stool samples
• shared a glass with hundreds of people
• rode a horse
• was interviewed on TV news and in 3 newspapers
• danced salsa and bachata until the bar closed
• ate alpaca
• hiked for 4 days
• got stood up
• rode a bus for over 12 consecutive hours
• visited 2 new countries

There you have it. Some of it's awesome and some of it is not pretty, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. And writing it all down makes me appreciate it that much more. I know it's not over yet and I shouldn't jinx it but I've been incredibly lucky so far. I have friends who have been held at gunpoint or have had their entire houses cleaned out and robbed. Friends who've had worms, several times. During the medical exam part of the final conference, we went through my whole chart and it read something like this: "diarrhea, diarrhea, mild bronchitis, diarrhea, dog bite, annnd diarrhea". That's a pretty successful two years, if you ask me! Although, the dentist did tell me I have Class 1 Gingivitis because my gums bled when he poked them really hard several times with what was basically a tiny metal shank. I call BS but I'm still flossing every night.

I'll be updating (too) soon with some kind of final wrap-up. Until then, friends, don't be afraid to try new things and don't forget to floss.

Thank you for reading. Thank you for caring.
<3

The Trouble with Two Homes and Yellow Underwear

I came "home" to Pujili today to a slew of nuisances. The rude taxi driver didn't get out of his car to help me with my bags although I was quite obviously on the struggle bus. My landlords and their family also saw me dragging my giant backpack, red in the face, trying to lift it over their truck and didn't lift a finger. None of the ATM's in town were working and I needed to pay rent and grocery shop for my old mother Hubbard kitchen and had a measly $10 to my name. The tienda lady gave me a hard time about said $10 bill because it had a tiny tear on one side until I pushed out my lower lip and said "it's all the money I have". A piece in the back of my toilet broke right before I left and didn't have time to fix it so I realized it was still broken, said a few curse words, and attempted to fix it, accidentally sprayed super glue all over my hand, said a few more curse words and slapped duct tape on it and called it a day. I finally went to cook dinner at 8pm and realized someone (my landlord) had disconnected my troublesome gas tank so I went in the backyard with a flashlight and tried to reconnect it to no avail. I baked some eggs for dinner. They were surprisingly tasty.

And yet, all of this is part of this "home". This feels more familiar to me now than San Diego does. Now, before you get all up in arms about wanting me to come back to SD (Mom), it doesn't mean that I prefer these nuisances to those I experience in the US. They're 100% different, but each place has its own sources of stress. The US isn't perfect either, no matter how much I idealize it when I'm homesick here. It's just so strange to me that I feel more at home here, while I've been counting down the days until I can get back there. They warned me this would happen. Just when you start to finally feel comfortable, you'll leave. As Ron Burgandy once said, I'M IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION!

Anyway.

Christmas was amazing! I ate and drank to my heart's content (and past it) every day I was home. I spent a lot of time (though never enough) with my sobrinitos, bonded over beers with Carly and Chris singing Son by Four and watching vine videos, I had brunches and lunches and hikes with great friends, I danced, I laughed, I drove, I sang, I hugged, and I loved every minute of it. I only allowed myself to cry for 1 minute in the airport bathroom because I know I'll be back soon. Until then, don't forget about me, San Diego!

how could you not be in love with this city?!

Cupcake ATM's are a thing now so I guess I'm moving to LA

Devil, Angel, Granny forevs.

you be my wings and I'll be your anchor

with all my heart

Back in Ecuador, I rang in the New Year in Quito. Año Viejo and Año Nuevo were pretty awesome! There are so many superstitions, which I love, and I got to spend it with my wonderful host family, so it was really fun being a part of all the different traditions here. I wore yellow underwear to bring good luck in the new year. I ate lentils for good luck. I made a life-size doll (monigote/viejo/muñeco) that resembled me and represents my "old year" or the previous year, which we burned at midnight, burning all of the bad energy from 2014 in order to start fresh. On the doll, I placed my testamento, which listed all the things I would like 2015 to bring to my loved ones and to me. I ate 12 grapes at midnight, one for each month of the new year, and made one wish with each grape. I washed my hands with champagne and brown sugar to wash away the bad energy. We ate dinner together after midnight and stayed up until 4:00am just chatting. We had a couple beers between the three of us but it was just good, clean fun. So very different from all New Year's Eves in the past, but though the superstitions seem silly, they're a kind of hopeful and self-fulfilling prophecy to focus on the positive, even the underwear. I think I'll be carrying these traditions on in the future, no matter where I am. 

Giant monigote in Quito

My monigote- muy parecidas, no?

2014 wasn't a bad year, but it was still fun to watch it BURN!

 

2014 was the underdog that came back and bit its critics (me) in the ass! (That's reminiscent.) My first year of Peace Corps (2013) was probably my most challenging to date and I didn't have the highest hopes for my second and final year. This time last year, I was bawling my eyes out in the airport at the thought of leaving behind my family, friends, and home once again. But alas, I guess my attitude had nowhere to go but up, and this year exceeded my every expectation. 

2015 is a huge mystery. I feel anxious and excited and it gives me butterflies to think about all the possibilities. My only resolution this year is to be present and mindful during every interaction. I know this isn't a SMART goal, it can't be measured, it's not time-bound, it may not even be realistic, but it's something I would like to work on. I don't want to feel like I missed out on anything because I was counting down to something in the future or dwelling on what happened or could have happened in the past. It's okay to have two homes, or ten or twenty. As long as you always have on your figurative yellow underwear.

Happy 2015, friends! Feliz Año, amigos!