Helpless

Helpless

is the only thing I can feel. The evil of humans knows no bounds tonight. There is nothing I or anyone can do to combat the capacity for terror and yet, I feel the tug to try deep within me. I often feel that I can lead by example and do everything I can to right the wrongs within my reach, but this amount of pain is so far beyond the grasp of any compassionate human. All we can do is watch, be aware, keep them in our thoughts and hearts. Our minds heavy in the hopes that theirs will be at least slightly lighter, though we know it is impossible. It is with our best intentions that we move on and try to continue to live in the world with the knowledge of this fearful potential, and maybe we can hold the door open a little longer for the next person to cross its path, smile at a perfect stranger, share the brunt of a large load to carry, put an arm around a shoulder that needs it, let someone into "your" lane on the freeway, do something good in the seemingly futile attempt to outweigh the bad. All you can do is your best. I will remind myself as the tears will surely fall tonight. 

 

 

http://www.theguardian.com/world/live/2015/nov/14/paris-terror-attacks-attackers-dead-mass-killing-live-updates

Going Home

It's been a rough day. I got messages from family last night that my grandma's leukemia had progressed and she had also developed an infection. The doctors didn't think she would be able to recover from it and possibly had a week. Then I got the call less than 12 hours later that she was gone. 

Peace Corps grants emergency leave for immediate family only and since my assignment was only to be 3 months, I didn't qualify for regular leave either. I'll have to "early terminate", which means quitting. It was an obvious decision because my family will always be the most important thing in my life, but it was a difficult one because I truly love it here. Rwanda is beautiful and its people are strong and determined to create a better life. However, if I think about looking back on this experience, I would feel a million times worse about not being there for my family and to remember my darling grandma together than I would about leaving a 3 month job. I also can't imagine being here, so alone, going through this. One of my favorite authors says in one of his books, "Pain shared, my brother, is pain not doubled but halved. No man is an island." -Neil Gaiman

Nancy Lee (Lantz) White was the strongest, most caring woman I've ever known. She cared deeply and fiercely for her family and had a way of making each and every one of us feel uniquely special. She was a constant that kept our family together. I'll never forget her beautiful singing voice, her love for Tom Selleck, her patience as she taught me how to make her famous Christmas bonbons, and countless sleepovers, making forts, and eating popcorn and peanut butter cups. The relationship she had with my grandpa has always been and still is my idealized version of love. The way he looked at her and claimed that everything she cooked was the best thing he had ever tasted. The way they put each other on a pedestal. The way they slow danced in the kitchen just because. A love that will never be duplicated, only aspired to. 

It's hard to be here while my family is so far, but I'll be getting on a plane tomorrow afternoon and I'll be in San Diego on Wednesday afternoon. The services will be in Indiana, where my grandparents are from, so I'll be heading there as soon as possible. Please keep my family in your thoughts. 

I love you, my darlin' grandma.

First Full Day

Full of food, new friends, new places, new people.

The place we're staying is really nice and feels like summer camp. Bunk beds and lines for the showers, cooking together, and playing board games. (Hot water showers!)There are 12 of us starting out together. We found out the real reason we're here. Apparently about 25 volunteers left Rwanda at the same time, either by "administrative separation" (kicked out) or "early termination" (quit). We're filling the gap until the end of the school year before the next group of education volunteers come in September.

We took a driving tour of Kigali yesterday and saw some really nice buildings and landscaping and walked through a market. I've never seen so many flies in one place but the variety of fruits and vegetables looked great! Then we went to a small grocery store at night and bought some pasta and vegetables to cook. The selection there was not great, but it's do-able. It's only 3 months. (Reminder to self.)

We're starting intensive language courses today. (4 hours starting at 8am.) YIKES! But I'm looking forward to it. Although, they've told us we can pretty much manage in English in most places and it's worked so far.

The money is about 7.22 Rwandan Francs to 1 US dollar, which means I'll never be able to calculate it in my head and will instead just pretend it's Monopoly money and say "take what you need" haha.

Okay gotta go to class. Just wanted to check in and tell you I survived day 1 of 90.

<3

Oh p.s. no dogs! It's a cultural/history-related thing, but they don't have strays and hardly any pet dogs! My butt will be safe for a few months.

On the Road Again

"Goin' places I've never been
Seein' things that I may never see again
And I can't wait to get on the road again."

Present: I'm sitting at a table in the Amsterdam airport, charging my electronics, facing the moving walkway and almost every passerby is speaking a different language. I arrived at 5am local time and nothing was open, the terminal was so calm and eerily serene. My connecting flight wasn't listed on the board yet since I arrived close to 5 hours prior so I grabbed a seat so I could check in with the family. I was sitting alone in a peaceful area and started quietly sending messages to Mom, Dad, and Carly when I heard gagging and retching nearby. A man was vomiting in the trashcan near me. I love traveling.

Past: Spending 3 months at home on "summer vacation" was so amazing and just what I needed. I loved every second I spent with my niece and nephew, my sister, parents, and friends and I felt as though I recharged my American batteries. I was lucky enough to be able to take a trip up to Seattle to visit one of my best friends, go on a beautiful camping/road trip up the coast, and visit my darlin' grandma, uncle, and aunt for a couple days. It flew by and as I was packing last night (just a few hours before it was time to leave for the airport- you know how I do) I felt as though I had just unpacked my giant backpack only to fill it back up with guesses as to what I'll need for the next few months. I feel so extremely fortunate to have such supportive family and friends and I can never thank my mom enough for all the food and love and being the place I can always come home to. And my sister for letting me borrow her car and letting me spend the night at least once a week so I could wake up to the cutest little voice saying "Chowsea!" I had a mini "see you later" party this week and was again so happily surprised by all the school supplies my friends bought me to donate. My heart (and bags) are so very full.

Future: I'll arrive in Kigali, Rwanda around 7pm on Sunday August 9th and I'll spend a week there for training. Then I'll head to my site and teach in a high school for 3 months. This experience will surely be very very different from Ecuador and although that makes me unexplainably nervous (because I'm a natural worry wart), it's also really exciting! I can't wait to not only experience a new culture and way of life, but also to challenge myself in an even more unknown environment than the last one I found myself in. I've been told I probably won't have electricity or running water and very limited access to internet and teaching resources. I'm ready.

Distant future: No, I still don't know what I'm going to do when I get back. =)

I'll do my best to update this when I can, but who knows?! I'll definitely keep writing even if it means with pen and paper and worst case scenario, I'll type everything in here in November.

When I say thank you for your support, those words really aren't enough to express how much it means to me. When you say I'm brave, it's because I know you have my back. When you say you're proud of me, you keep me going. I embrace challenges because I know that you'll love me whether I succeed or not. I only hope I make you feel the same.

Sending all my love,
Chels
<3

Brasil and California

There aren't a lot of places that I've visited where I've immediately thought, "I could live here". Ecuador wasn't even one of them until I was already there doing it. When I arrived in Sao Paulo, it didn't inspire that thought either. But Rio de Janeiro... siggghhhh... I can't think about that city without feeling a certain longing, a tug on my heart, a wistful nostalgia.

The beaches are incredibly beautiful and filled with people who are somehow impossibly even more beautiful. The food is amazing. The nightlife is outrageous. The people are warm and inviting and seem to be forever laughing. I kind of want to live there. But I can't figure out what the heck I would actually do there... besides stare at hot people on the beach.

So that's basically what I did for 2 weeks plus visited an island off the coast and another coastal town where I went to a cachaca factory tour and some waterfalls with a natural waterslide, which was AWESOME. Also went to Iguazu Falls, which are gigantic, incredible waterfalls that border Argentina and Paraguay. Partied often and much into the wee hours of the morning, dancing terribly to samba and drinking caipirinhas. So maybe I just fell in love with the vacation life in Rio... only one way to find out, I guess. ;)

I've been back in the US for 11 days now and I still can't get over:

• how late the sun sets. (I'm always asking what time it is between the hours of 6-8pm and then reacting with incredulity.)
• the price of alcohol. (How can anyone afford to get drunk here?! Oh right, people have jobs.)
• impatience. (Where are you all going and why can't you take your time getting there?? Oh right, you have a job. But South Americans have jobs and they're not all exasperated and hustle bustle.)
• throwing toilet paper in the toilet. (I walk into a bathroom and immediately scan it for the trashcan then have to consciously remind myself not to throw the TP in it.)
• trained pets. (Amazing.)

And more things I can't think of right now.

However, I'm extremely happy to be home! Spending a lot of time with my niece and nephew and they make me so very happy and keep me laughing. I've applied to a couple jobs so we'll see what happens. Had my first phone interview this morning in a long time and was so nervous I kept forgetting to breathe and thinking I was gonna puke but I think it went well. I'll update this with news when I have it.

Until then, if you're still reading, thank you. If not, that's okay. This is a good way for me to keep track of my adventures. Hoping for some more soon. Stay tuned.

Colombia and Sao Paulo

Present:
I wake up on my own at 6 or 7am now. I drink coffee at the kitchen window and watch monkeys and giant prehistoric looking birds steal fruit from the trees. I have my hands in the dirt for 4 or 5 hours and then I help cook lunch for a big Japanese-Brazilian family. I take a nap in the afternoon, sometimes in the hammock, and then spend the evening reading a book, going to a family function, or browsing the internet, daydreaming about home. On weekends I explore the city. I have a farmers tan, a perpetually sore back, and mosquito bites on every part of my body (including my eyebrows and the palm of my hand!) despite bathing myself in repellant every couple hours. I eat all organic and vegetarian, I sleep to the sound of thousands of frogs and crickets, and I think I must be living someone else's life. I think that's the beauty of this experience, walking a mile in someone else's moccasins or in my case, squatting for hours, pulling weeds in someone else's work boots.

Past:
Leaving Ecuador was so much harder than I ever could have imagined. I cried saying goodbye countless times, I cried in the taxi to the city, I cried on the bus to the border, and I got pretty choked up walking into Colombia, but I resisted the tears, trying to look as badass as possible in a notoriously dangerous place, alone, under the weight of a giant backpack.

Colombia highlights: meeting a really nice Colombian guy in Pasto who took me around to see museums and cool plazas expecting nothing in return, salsa dancing lessons in Cali, the salsa capital of the world, a water park complete with zipline into pool, 5 hour Bogotá bike tour, meeting a big group of crazy Danish people and listening to them sing their original rap song, meeting Carolina's family and going around Medellin with her sister, who was the best tour guide ever, and in general, complete independence.

This has been my first experience travelling totally alone and although it's been awesome, and I've learned a lot about both the places and myself, I've discovered that going solo is not really for me. I think I prefer sharing with someone else, bouncing ideas off of them, reveling in the marvels together, and having someone to turn to when things don't go right, which will inevitably happen. So, who wants to travel with me? My sister says I need a boyfriend. Maybe that's true. I'm accepting applications. Must love travel.

Future:
I had originally planned to work another farm in Rio de Janeiro but the more I think about it the more I think I deserve a proper vacation. So I'll be spending 2 weeks on the beach drinking caipirinhas and then I'll go to Iguazu Falls to see one of the natural wonders of the world. I might also visit some islands off the coast. Not a bad plan if you ask me. Just have to get through one more workday and Fridays are the hardest. Wish me luck!

The Beginning of the End

I have two days left in Pujili.

Come Thursday, gone will be the days in which I have to choose which side of the street is less dangerous to walk on- the one with the drunk man catcalling or the one with the barking dog. I'll no longer have to wait in line at the bank while the employee texts on her cell phone instead of helping customers. I won't be stared at by strangers because I look different. I won't wonder if lunch will make me sick. I'll be able to speak my native language, spend time with family and friends, and live in my comfort zone once again.

But gone, too, will be the days in which friends stop by unannounced to bring me food. I will no longer learn something new every day nor have loads of free time. I won't wait in line at the post office desperately hoping my care package has arrived. I won't walk slowly. I won't buy super fresh produce for pennies. I won't be able to hop on a bus and go anywhere in the country. And if I did hop on a bus, I wouldn't hear my name whispered by small children too shy to say hello but nonetheless happy to see me. No one will fall recklessly in love with me without the pretense of the rules of dating. No one will say "claps for Chelsea", followed by tiny people applauding me, just for showing up to my job. I won't be inherently interesting anymore. I'll have to leave all the wonderful people I've met in the last two crazy years.

I have a lot to look forward to, I know. But like I've mentioned before, change makes me cry. There will be a lot of tears in the next few days. They've already started today.

I would be remiss if I didn't at least mention the people who were the most important to me. First, my Peace Corps family- my lil brother, my thunder buddy, Todd, who made me laugh on days I wanted to cry and always had my back no matter what, as long as it was post 10:00am. My favorite couple, Eric and Em for being the most supportive, kind people I've ever met. (#SAGE) My lil sister, Katnip, the fun-loving, adventurous one with the best dance moves you've ever seen, who I can tell anything to and won't judge. My fatty club- Jazzy and Manisha, for always being ready to eat... a lot! And listening to me when I complain. The rest of my omnibus for making trainings much more interesting and for always caring about each other.

My Ecuas- my teachers, Tania, Sixto, Lorena, Segundo, for always taking my opinion into account, for being open-minded, for being patient with the silly gringa, and for being amazing friends. My first host family, who took care of me when I was sick every other day, fed me amazing food, gave me advice, taught me Spanish, and have always really cared about me. My site host family, for teaching me so much, for helping me get projects off the ground, and for making sure the dogs didn't bite me. Mi bichito for making my last couple months amazing.

I can't believe it's really finally coming to an end. It's crazy how you can dream about the day that you're "free" and then when the day comes, you don't really want to escape anymore. I am forever amazed at the human ability to adapt.

As I close this book and begin to write a new one, I'll attempt to continue chronicling my adventures, but I make no promises as I don't know what the internet situation will be like. But I should also thank you, reader, for your silent support throughout this experience. Without you, I'd have been talking to myself.

Lil Cdub signing off.

The Best Laid Plans

A LOT of people have been asking about my post Peace Corps plans. It stresses me out and I want it to stop. Haha! But it's completely understandable. The end is drawing near and it's time to make some decisions. 

My short-term plans are as such: I'll be "COS'ing" (Close of Service) one month early on March 5th and probably spend a weekend with my Ecua family before heading out. Then I plan to check out Colombia by bus, hopefully meeting Carolina's family at some point and maybe try to get to Yasuni before leaving Ecuador if I have time. Then I'll be flying down to Brazil to WWOOF. If you haven't heard of WWOOF'ing, it's basically a volunteer program for working on organic farms. I've heard back from 2 farms out of the 15 or so that I've contacted- one in Sao Paolo and one in Rio de Janeiro. They both cover all accommodation and meals. This is exactly what I wanted. It's getting real. I got my visa squared away last week and I've been studying Portuguese everyday. So you can't reeeallyy call me a procrastinator.

I'll be playing in the dirt for March and April and then I'll be at Tomorrowland in a small town outside of Sao Paolo in early May. If you haven't heard of Tomorrowland, it's a giant electronic music festival that's usually held in Belgium, but due to rising popularity, has recently started in Brazil and the US as well. I'll be camping at the festival and pretty much just getting one final South American party out of my system before heading back to the US to be a grown up. I should be back in the US by about May 8th-ish. I'm making sure to get to SD in time to celebrate Carly's 30th birthday! Exciting!

My long-term plans: I don't know. I'm strongly considering avoiding real life and leaving again, as I've been known to do in the past... After I graduated college, I moved up to San Francisco for 6 months in an attempt to put off adulthood and it ended up being one of the best times of my life. It was hard but if I had the choice to go back and do it again, I would. Although, when I got back to San Diego, reality meant toiling away in food service again, which was NOT the best time of my life. I was also volunteering which helped me to eventually get my big girl job at the Red Cross, which I loved, but I had to put in the hard time in cafes/restaurants/bars first to get by. I definitely believe in starting at the bottom, it helped me to appreciate working my way up, but I don't necessarily want to go back there. 

So I suppose maybe the smart decision would be to just woman up and try to find a stable, worthwhile job in the US. Get an apartment, buy a car, pay bills. But I just don't think I'm ready for that, or maybe not even meant to do that... ever. I'm 28 and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I know I want to see the world and I know I want my job to be something that makes others' lives easier. I couldn't have a more vague future.

I'm thinking about going to Southeast Asia, Thailand or Cambodia, or maybe Africa to volunteer, although for a shorter term this time around. Maybe 6 to 9 months. My host mom says this is a terrible idea because there's no way I'm going to find a husband in those countries hahaha as if that were my plan. The thing is, the experience I've gained during these two years has been invaluable, but in a professional sense, I've gained a lot of experience teaching English, which is not what I want to do with my life. So I'd like to go abroad again and work in a field I'd maybe like to pursue. Anti-trafficking, humanitarian relief, refugee assistance, I don't know! Any time I start to feel overwhelmed and stressed about all the possibilities, I have to force myself to take a step back and think, "look at all the possibilities!" and I am bathed in gratitude.

The glass is completely full. It has half water, half air. And my cup runneth over. Or something like that.

2 Years

My anniversary in Ecuador (2 years) came and went a few days ago without all the pomp and circumstance and thought I gave it last year. Life has just become so normal. I don't count up the days I've been here nor do I count down to leaving. I'm in this uncertain, in-between state, not ready for what's to come, but starting to feel the end of what's been. A ship between ports. I'M ON A METAPHORIC BOAT, y'all!

We had our "Close of Service Conference" last week, talked about future endeavors (including bs like resume building and networking), planned our goodbyes, and processed the last two crazy years. I only cried once, briefly, which is clear proof that I'm in denial. (It's not just a river in Egypt.) I refused to say goodbye to the other volunteers because we're trying to plan a final party in February, but really because I'm not ready. I just started to write out how much they mean to me, got choked up, erased it, and thought "I'll do it later", as I've done with so many things in the past couple weeks.

As an ode to the last two years, this is my comprehensive "firsts" list. It's not in any particular order and I'm sure there are things I forgot to include, but this is some of the ish I've done in the past 2 years:

• saw fireflies
• went ziplining
• milked a cow
• lived abroad
• ate pig foot soup
• made out under a waterfall
• attended a quinceañera
• told a funny story in another language
• gave away/sold almost all my stuff
• pet a monkey
• vomited sober
• adopted another family as my own
• took a bucket shower
• ate guinea pig
• used a squat toilet
• fed butterflies
• discovered my love for chicken neck
• fell in love in a weekend
• bartered
• watched bullfighting and sheepfighting
• went to a dog show
• saw a volcano erupt
• shot strangers in the face with foam (Carnaval)
• danced in a parade
• binge watched Netflix for over 5 hours
• rode on "la bestia" behind a speed boat
• became a godmother 
• pet a llama
• stool samples
• shared a glass with hundreds of people
• rode a horse
• was interviewed on TV news and in 3 newspapers
• danced salsa and bachata until the bar closed
• ate alpaca
• hiked for 4 days
• got stood up
• rode a bus for over 12 consecutive hours
• visited 2 new countries

There you have it. Some of it's awesome and some of it is not pretty, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. And writing it all down makes me appreciate it that much more. I know it's not over yet and I shouldn't jinx it but I've been incredibly lucky so far. I have friends who have been held at gunpoint or have had their entire houses cleaned out and robbed. Friends who've had worms, several times. During the medical exam part of the final conference, we went through my whole chart and it read something like this: "diarrhea, diarrhea, mild bronchitis, diarrhea, dog bite, annnd diarrhea". That's a pretty successful two years, if you ask me! Although, the dentist did tell me I have Class 1 Gingivitis because my gums bled when he poked them really hard several times with what was basically a tiny metal shank. I call BS but I'm still flossing every night.

I'll be updating (too) soon with some kind of final wrap-up. Until then, friends, don't be afraid to try new things and don't forget to floss.

Thank you for reading. Thank you for caring.
<3

The Trouble with Two Homes and Yellow Underwear

I came "home" to Pujili today to a slew of nuisances. The rude taxi driver didn't get out of his car to help me with my bags although I was quite obviously on the struggle bus. My landlords and their family also saw me dragging my giant backpack, red in the face, trying to lift it over their truck and didn't lift a finger. None of the ATM's in town were working and I needed to pay rent and grocery shop for my old mother Hubbard kitchen and had a measly $10 to my name. The tienda lady gave me a hard time about said $10 bill because it had a tiny tear on one side until I pushed out my lower lip and said "it's all the money I have". A piece in the back of my toilet broke right before I left and didn't have time to fix it so I realized it was still broken, said a few curse words, and attempted to fix it, accidentally sprayed super glue all over my hand, said a few more curse words and slapped duct tape on it and called it a day. I finally went to cook dinner at 8pm and realized someone (my landlord) had disconnected my troublesome gas tank so I went in the backyard with a flashlight and tried to reconnect it to no avail. I baked some eggs for dinner. They were surprisingly tasty.

And yet, all of this is part of this "home". This feels more familiar to me now than San Diego does. Now, before you get all up in arms about wanting me to come back to SD (Mom), it doesn't mean that I prefer these nuisances to those I experience in the US. They're 100% different, but each place has its own sources of stress. The US isn't perfect either, no matter how much I idealize it when I'm homesick here. It's just so strange to me that I feel more at home here, while I've been counting down the days until I can get back there. They warned me this would happen. Just when you start to finally feel comfortable, you'll leave. As Ron Burgandy once said, I'M IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION!

Anyway.

Christmas was amazing! I ate and drank to my heart's content (and past it) every day I was home. I spent a lot of time (though never enough) with my sobrinitos, bonded over beers with Carly and Chris singing Son by Four and watching vine videos, I had brunches and lunches and hikes with great friends, I danced, I laughed, I drove, I sang, I hugged, and I loved every minute of it. I only allowed myself to cry for 1 minute in the airport bathroom because I know I'll be back soon. Until then, don't forget about me, San Diego!

how could you not be in love with this city?!

Cupcake ATM's are a thing now so I guess I'm moving to LA

Devil, Angel, Granny forevs.

you be my wings and I'll be your anchor

with all my heart

Back in Ecuador, I rang in the New Year in Quito. Año Viejo and Año Nuevo were pretty awesome! There are so many superstitions, which I love, and I got to spend it with my wonderful host family, so it was really fun being a part of all the different traditions here. I wore yellow underwear to bring good luck in the new year. I ate lentils for good luck. I made a life-size doll (monigote/viejo/muñeco) that resembled me and represents my "old year" or the previous year, which we burned at midnight, burning all of the bad energy from 2014 in order to start fresh. On the doll, I placed my testamento, which listed all the things I would like 2015 to bring to my loved ones and to me. I ate 12 grapes at midnight, one for each month of the new year, and made one wish with each grape. I washed my hands with champagne and brown sugar to wash away the bad energy. We ate dinner together after midnight and stayed up until 4:00am just chatting. We had a couple beers between the three of us but it was just good, clean fun. So very different from all New Year's Eves in the past, but though the superstitions seem silly, they're a kind of hopeful and self-fulfilling prophecy to focus on the positive, even the underwear. I think I'll be carrying these traditions on in the future, no matter where I am. 

Giant monigote in Quito

My monigote- muy parecidas, no?

2014 wasn't a bad year, but it was still fun to watch it BURN!

 

2014 was the underdog that came back and bit its critics (me) in the ass! (That's reminiscent.) My first year of Peace Corps (2013) was probably my most challenging to date and I didn't have the highest hopes for my second and final year. This time last year, I was bawling my eyes out in the airport at the thought of leaving behind my family, friends, and home once again. But alas, I guess my attitude had nowhere to go but up, and this year exceeded my every expectation. 

2015 is a huge mystery. I feel anxious and excited and it gives me butterflies to think about all the possibilities. My only resolution this year is to be present and mindful during every interaction. I know this isn't a SMART goal, it can't be measured, it's not time-bound, it may not even be realistic, but it's something I would like to work on. I don't want to feel like I missed out on anything because I was counting down to something in the future or dwelling on what happened or could have happened in the past. It's okay to have two homes, or ten or twenty. As long as you always have on your figurative yellow underwear.

Happy 2015, friends! Feliz Año, amigos!

Happy Day #57

I've been on this #100DaysofHappiness bandwagon for 57 days now, keeping track privately rather than posting on social media and what I've noticed about it has made me even happier. Instead of thinking hard to come up with one new thing each day, it's actually harder to choose just one of the many things that make me happy. I started it as a practice to keep myself conscious of the positive one can find in any situation, even on hard days in this crazy life I'm living, but now it's become a kind of happy journal that I look back at and smile about. Happy memories from 50 days ago making me even happier today. It's like this crazy, never-ending, happy cycle and I love it!

Lately, Thursdays are my favorite days because I get to hold hands with kids. I hope you understand that I'm not a weirdo without me having to say #nopedo... I started working at an elementary school in the "campo" (the countryside, the farming communities on the outskirts of town) and the kids are so great! It's a weird little English Club that includes any of the kids in the school who wanted to join so half of them are babies, about 6 years-old, and the other half are older, between 10-14. The classes are really mixed anyway because kids are often taken out of school for years at a time if their parents need them to work, but this is definitely a challenge, trying to find activities all the kids will be interested in. But my favorite part is the walk home when the kids walk with me to town and ask me tons of questions.

The girl on the left is Maria and the girl on the right is also Maria and they hold my hands for about 30 minutes every Thursday. Little Maria, the baby, talks and talks and talks the whole way and I don't understand a single word she's saying. I asked Big Maria if she's speaking Spanish and she said she's not sure, it might be Kichwa but she doesn't understand either. Big Maria asks me intelligible questions and always says "mmm" after every answer. The boys hardly ever say a word. The whole thing is ridiculously adorable and makes my day every week.

I missed a couple Thursdays recently though because I went to Peru! The whole trip was amazing and I loved seeing another side of South America. Many things were similar to Ecuador but it was interesting for me to compare the two and find some differences. The highlights: El Circuito Magico del Agua water park in Lima, sandboarding and watching a desert sunset in Huacachina, and Starbucks in Cuzco. But the mind-blowing, life-changing aspect of the trip was the Salkantay Trek to Machu Picchu. It was, by far, the most physically demanding thing I've ever attempted and I was so very proud of myself for accomplishing it... like a BOSS! We hiked about 40 miles in 4 days, then climbed a mountain and took the long way back in the ruins and I hardly complained! The last night before flying back to Quito, however, every step I took was filled with pain and I was sure I was going to vomit, making several trips to the bathroom throughout the night. I think it was just a product of exhaustion though because I got back to Ecuador and my host mom took care of me and after 13 hours of sleep and some of her amazing chicken soup, I was right as rain again. Here's some photo evidence:

El Circuito Magico del Agua

Salkantay Trek- it doesn't even look real, it's so beautiful!

Sand angel

Mystical 

Machu Picchu

It was truly an incredible trip and it temporarily satisfied the travel bug that I've had for awhile. 

I've also been spending my weekends working, giving English methodology classes to teachers in different cities. These workshops are a blessing and a curse because they make me feel super productive, the teachers really appreciate the help, and I get to spend time with some of my favorite volunteers that I don't get to see often, but I also have to set an alarm on the weekends... sigh.

So I've been staying super busy here at the end of 2014 and now the countdown has come to 5 days until I'll be in America's Finest City! Some teachers said "Merry Christmas" to me for the first time this year and I instantly got giddy thinking about how close it is! I'm looking forward to SO many things in SD, but most of all, the love! I can't wait for hugs and chats and catch-ups with family and friends, and stuffing my face of course. It'll probably look/sound something like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cILZ_cB3_so#t=92

I'll try to write a New Years post because 2014 has been one for the books.

See you soon, dear friends! :)

No Rainbow without Rain

As you know, I was sick for a bit and then, of course, there was the frightening thought of a cranky canine looming over me so I hadn't been back to the park in quite awhile. I'm feeling better and I've got that post-sick boom of energy, probably a product of cabin fever as well, and I was ready to start moving again. I decided I needed a run.

Needless to say, I was not thrilled about having to pass by the same place where the dog was, but it's really the only place in my site where I feel safe running alone. I was also really tired from working with a gaggle of crazy 6 year-old's today (more on this later), but I knew this would be good for me.

So I put on my metaphorical big girl undies and my baggy comfy pants (to draw less attention), puffed out my chest, and started my 10 minute walk to the park, reminding myself I can be a bad bitch if I put my mind to it. (Not really, but I can try.)

I had walked just one block when I ran into an old neighbor I absolutely love, whom I haven't seen in ages and she stopped to walk with me for part of the way so we could catch up. She said I seem more tranquila now, more comfortable here, which is true but not necessarily the best timing since I still had that perro bravo on my mind. We parted ways and I puffed back up, telling myself not to be afraid, mostly because I know they can smell it.

I made it to the park intact, no chunks missing from this big booty today, and when I got there and started to run, I passed by a small group of kids working out together, some kind of running team and immediately started hearing whispers of "Chelsea" "Teacher" and little girls smiling shyly at me. I smiled and kept on running. When I got to the back end of the park, I looked through the patch of trees only to find a view of, I shit you not, a rainbow over a volcano. Obviously I don't carry a camera on me when I go for a run, especially if there's a chance I'll be eaten on the way, but that kind of made it even better. Like this picturesque moment was a small reward only for those who sucked it up and stepped outside. Awesome. (And by awesome, I mean it actually inspired awe.)

So back to the 6 year-old's. This was something else I was absolutely dreading. A somewhat pushy parent bullied a councilman into giving her my phone number and called one day to ask for a favor and said she'd be at my house in ten minutes (yeah she also knew where I lived as most people in Pujili do). She asked me to help with a small group of kids at the Catholic elementary school across the street from my house during summer vacations and I obliged, helping out a few days a week for about a month to get them caught up on their English. The class was exhausting because I spent 2/3 of the hour asking them to sit down over and over, but there were only about 10-15 kids and they were cute and I didn't have anything else to do since school wasn't in session.

Fast forward to September when the pushy parent calls to say she's coming over in ten minutes to say thank you for helping them. She brings a carton of peach juice and some chocolates and I'm just thrilled to be getting paid in chocolate again and naively happy for the gratitude she's showing. Then she asks for another favor, of course. She wants me to continue giving English classes at the school. I say okay and start explaining my squirrelly schedule. She asks if I can have a meeting with her and the head nun later that week at 7am. I'm no longer thrilled as I am not really a functioning human at that hour but I agree.

She arrives at my house promptly at 7am and we walk to the school. When we get there the doorman says the nun isn't there. Pushy parent calls the nun, she had forgotten about the meeting and she was in the church helping with mass. We agree to walk over and meet her at the church so there I am, in the back of a church as a nun is begging me to change around my schedule to accommodate the kids. I resist a little as I'm already stretched thin (now that everyone is realizing how little time I have left and are finally taking advantage of me, in a good way). Sometimes when people here are asking for a favor they say "por Dios" along with their por favors and it's kind of like saying "do it for God". Let me emphasize the scene: in a church, nun begging me to do it for God. Now, you know I'm not a religious person but I have a loose belief in karma and superstition, plus I'm kind of a doormat, and WWJD, y'know? So I said yes.

Because I was sick and needing rabies shots so much, I had to postpone a few times until I finally made it and there were THIRTY FIVE screaming 6 year-old's, basically ignoring my presence, and all of their parents outside waiting for them and taking turns knocking on the door because the nun forgot to tell them I was coming. (Seriously forgetful nun.) I made an attempt to do some diagnostic assessment for about 5 minutes before I got so overwhelmed by the constant interruption of parents that I just said "Forget it! I'll be back next week when everyone is ready."

This is next week. All day I was dreading going back into that room full of tiny, sweaty, screamy humans. I even told 3 people at the high school today how much I didn't want to go and spent a good 30 minutes debating backing out. I got there and was relieved to see only about 15 crazy little people. We worked on some colors and I said "sit down" about 76 times, but I think they enjoyed it a little. The rainbow of the event: I told them they could leave and they all got up and got in a line in front of me so that each one could give me a hug before they left. I melted. And mentally resolved to continue the class even if I lose my hair or mind while I'm at it. Besides, bald is the new blonde, right? ;)

It's amazing what a rainbow and some tiny hugs can do for your attitude.

Nothing but Bad Luck

I said "bunny bunny" for October so I don't know what caused all this mayhem!

I missed a few days of school a few weeks ago because my throat was on fire and felt swollen, I could barely talk. Then a dog bit my butt (twice!) and I had to go all the way to Quito 3 times in one week, twice for rabies shots and once for a conference. Then we decided to get away for the weekend to hike in Cuenca and it POURED rain the whole time to the point that now the city is on orange alert for flooding. And now I'm super sick again.

BUT! I'm still smiling :)

That was the bad and the ugly but the good always outweighs the bad. While I was sick with the throat thing, my beloved teachers surprised me and came to check up on me and brought me two huge bags of "get well" fruit, (including bananas because they didn't know so I forgive them) and babaco!

You peel off the skin and make juice out of it and it's really yummy. I can't really compare the flavor to anything because it's so different, but if you happen to see it somewhere, try it!

The dog bite was not a big deal, it wasn't a very big bite but because it broke the skin and there was no way for me to know if the dog was a stray (and even if he wasn't, it's very unlikely he's had any vaccines in his life) I had to go get the rabies shots as a precaution. The medical office is in Quito and I can get there and back in one day so I'm not authorized to stay the night there. It takes me about 4 hours one way. Going there and back twice in one week for a very short appointment each time made me realize how much I don't mind long bus rides anymore. In the US I would definitely have complained being stuck in a car for 8 hours for one vaccination but here, it's just the way it is. You learn to accept these things and see the good in them. There's always a pretty view from the window, I have a lot of time to think and reflect, and sometimes nap, and when in Quito, eat as the Quitenos do. I also got to visit my favorite host family the second time and Sonia made me ceviche and I got to play with Aylin, who is growing up so fast!

Then I headed back to Quito to give trainings to some teachers, which was equally exhausting as it was rewarding but it was also really nice to be able to hang out with some other volunteers in the evenings.

we stage candid photos

The weekend in Cuenca was beautiful despite the rain. That city has everything! Breweries, beautiful churches, ethnic foods, bagels, and really nice people. I met one of my favorite girlfriends, Kat there to hike and see some Incan ruins and she's just the best! I always have a great time hanging out with her no matter what we're doing and she even saved me from near death during the hike when I found the only puddle of quicksand mud in the park and sunk to my knee and couldn't get out. Then we went out dancing each night in different fun places and met really nice people. We wouldn't allow the rain on our parade.

I just wanna hug her face

And now I am sick as a dog. I did my research and I have all the symptoms of ebola minus vomiting and internal bleeding. So, on the bright side, I don't have ebola. I thought I was getting better yesterday and then last night I put myself to bed at 9 and laid there shivering and sweating for 2 hours and today my whole body hurts. I'm going to school tomorrow if it kills me! Especially because I'm realizing how little time I have left here. I can't keep spending it in my apartment under the blankets.

Next month, going to Peru! In 57 days, I'll be home for Christmas! And in less than 5 months I'll be finished with service. $hit's getting real. I've started planning my post-service travels, including Colombia with my sister! Ahhh it's all so exciting and unreal!

Cross your fingers for a luckier second half of October.

Sending all my love <3<3<3<3------->>>>>

p.s. caught Sly on camera

ugly lil guy, isn't he?

Feeling Sluggish

Shoot! I've been pretty good about posting at least once a month and I did not post in August. Sorry but I was really busy! (Bunny bunny for September.)

Biggest news first: I have a new roommate. He's super lazy and messy, leaves a trail everywhere he goes, and doesn't listen to a word I say. I don't even know how he got in but he just found me and decided to stay. It's a slug. I named him Sylvester Von Slime. He just keeps appearing on my kitchen counter! I sprayed him with cleaning detergent and threw him in the trash and he was like "haha that's cute" and climbed back out. How does this orange-scented poison that eats my skin when it gets on my hands NOT kill Sylvester?! Zombie slug? Well, I threw him out the window (he hasn't paid rent!) so I expect he'll take a couple days to get back in. I'll try to take a photo next time his slimy ass decides to show up.

Since my last real update...

I spent 4th of July in a tiny beach town called Ayampe with some amazing volunteer friends. We drank a lot of beer and barbequed and pretty much just spent the weekend being extra American and extra awesome. I saw a couple new coastal cities, fell asleep in the sand, got sunburned, and was all the happier for it.

At the end of July, we celebrated Sonia's baby shower and then her little chubby-cheeked munchkin was born on August 6th. I went to visit the next day and was so delighted to meet Amarelis, my ahijada (goddaughter). Yes, I explained that I don't actually believe in a god, but Sonia says that's an insignificant detail. When I meet with the priest and he asks any questions, I have been instructed to just nod and smile :) This event also reminded me, yet again, what an old spinster I'm becoming. The doctor walked in and saw me holding the baby and said "Ohhh who is this? My next client? When will you be getting pregnant? You don't even have a boyfriend? How old are you? Wow, you better hurry up." Sigh.

Next, we had a big TEFL conference in Tumbaco, which turned out to be much more eventful than expected with a big earthquake, landslide, lots of aftershocks, and a birthday. The earthquake was pretty funny for me since a lot of the volunteers had never felt one before and were pretty shook up. (All puns are intended.) And the birthday was fun because it was Todd's, my sitemate, and we had a lot of fun surprises in store for him, including an exploding balloon cake and blindfolded archery. The whole week was filled with Quizno's, donuts, friends, and some productive work mixed in.

Then it was my turn! The volunteers at the conference surprised me with chocolate cake and singing, then Todd bought me birthday food and wine, and then my teachers took me out to pizza and cake in the city. These things alone sent me to bed with such a full heart and so much gratitude for this experience and it wasn't even my birthday yet.

Then the best present of all arrived- Momma! Yep, not only did my mom fly all the way to another continent for her daughter's birthday, but she also brought funfetti cake, party hats, noisemakers, a Coke with my name on it, hiking boots, cookies, candy, AND she paid for us to stay in a fancy hotel on my birthday so we could end the night with a jacuzzi and wine sesh. I was seriously spoiled and I can't express how thankful I am to have the mom that I do.

Mom was here for 10 days and we had tons of fun, touring Quito, going on a waterfall tour, ziplining, whale watching, snorkeling, sipping pina coladas, playing cards, and taking silly photos. It was sad to have to send her off, especially because I had to leave her at the airport hours before her flight so I could catch the bus back home and I was having a tiny pity party. The airport makes me emotional, there was a creep trying to get me to stay at his house in Quito, then I stepped onto the last bus which was filled with people yelling and smelled like old cheese and socks, but it was all put into perspective when I got a call at 4am that my mom was stuck in Quito. THEN she got stuck in Atlanta! AND she had a terrible, swollen tooth infection. Stupid Delta. I felt so bad for her terrible trip home but she says she had a really good visit so I hope that outshines the awful inconveniences.

The new school year started this week so hopefully I'll get busy working and it won't be long until I'm home for Christmas.

I've started learning Portuguese. Umas mulheres estao dirigindo carros. (Some women are driving cars.) I'm hoping to start improving soon.

Until next time, take care, my friends. And thank you for reading. (Sorry no photos or memes this time, my internet's been pretty squirrelly lately.)

Tchau from Chelsea and Sylvester.

Workin' on My Fitness

As you may have noticed (and wisely not pointed out), I gained a bit of weight in my first year of service. Based on the very few times I've stepped even close to a scale (by force of doctors appointments), I gained at least 15 pounds in the first 9 months (hashtag freshman fifteen). I could inundate you with a slew of excuses about the stigma of independence in this country, the mounds of rice, or the lack of friends with whom I could be active, but I'll save that drama for my momma. It basically boils down to comfort. Outside of my bubble, my safety net, my comfort zone, the one thing that never fails to make me happy is good eats.

I know myself and this habit is not going away. I'm not going to lie to you or myself and pretend to diet. In general, I eat fairly healthy. When I'm in control of my meals (not invited out for a fried pig lunch or an afternoon coffee with 4 tablespoons of sugar included), I choose lots of veggies, quinoa, and white meat. I drink green tea with no sugar, and fruit at snack time. But then there are those days. (Just one of them days that a girl goes through.) The day when disappointment or homesickness strike and my consolation is to binge like it's my last day on Earth. Or I've just finished a particularly stressful session with 6 year-old's and my body tells me the only possible reward is at least 2 handfuls of chocolate.

Those days aren't going away and neither are my cravings. So, once I moved into my own apartment, I figured the only way to balance out all this emotional eating is with exercise. I got serious at first and dropped enough poundage to fit into some of my dress pants again by Christmas but then my motivation petered out when I got back here and the distance was once again an issue. But honestly, I've never been a "fit" person. I've never liked the gym. Running is okay but I really have to force myself to do it. I ran track in high school but I chose short distances for a reason. Sports can be fun but I'm not good at them and I'm not competitive, especially not with myself. I've never felt the need to be good at physical activity. Looooved the kickball league but that was mostly for the beer and friends.

I'm pretty much like:

 Now that I have a reason to exercise, it can be pretty ridiculous. So I've created a list of some of my thoughts while exercising. Here's a guide to fitness by a girl who's unfit:

-First of all, if you were a fly on the wall, judging by the noises, you'd think it was an exorcise rather than exercise...
-They're called burpees because first you burp, then you vomit because they're hard.
-They call them mountain climbers because if you do them for more than a minute, you want to throw yourself off a mountain.
-Jumping jacks. If I met Jack, I'd punch him.
-Russian twists because well, Russians are evil and enjoy torture.
-Sometimes I see photos of some fit girl with this t-shirt that says "this is why I squat" on the back with an arrow pointing to her butt. But when I think of squats, I think of squat toilets and that shirt means something completely different. It's shitty. (Pun intended.)
-Crunches. I'd rather be crunching some potato chips.
-V-ups. Yeah, up yours.
-If I succumb to the pressure to plank, the entire time I'm planking, I'm shaking so bad it makes me think my body isn't up to earthquake standards.

So there you have it. It's not pretty. To be clear, I'm not living the cliche of trying to achieve some media-driven, unattainable, stick thin body. I don't want a thigh gap and I like having a booty. I just want to go back to enjoying looking at myself naked. Oh and because I'm so flat chested, if I even have a little pudge in the belly region, it sticks out farther than my boobs and (rude) people start asking if I'm pregnant. I'd like that to stop as well. And I would like to ban them from talking to me like what happened to this 4 year-old:

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/conn-boy-4-mom-banned-doughnut-shop-article-1.1877800

All in all, I'm always comfortable in my skin, but self-improvement is never a bad thing.

Tonight I did this little workout:

To a soundtrack including Shakira, JayZ, Daddy Yankee, and Taking Back Sunday among others. I always time my playlist so that right after the workout is over, 2 or 3 of my jamz come on (usually something by Lil Jon) and I dance around the living room for 10 minutes as a cool down. It gives me something to look forward to while I'm shake-planking. Then I stretch for 10 minutes in the company of the Avett Brothers or Jason Mraz. And then my brain's all "release the endorphins!" and I'm all "ahhhhh" and I lay on my yoga mat for another 10 minutes. Kinda like:

This isn't meant to be motivational or some kind of before/after story. I'm merely chronicling another facet of my unique life here. If I was really trying to get all motivational on you, I'd post something like:

Nahhhh not really, I'd probably be like:

Sweet son of a six pack!!! Geez. Now that is motivation. But I'm not motivating you. Unless you count the calories you burned while giggling! Okay, that's enough memes for one post.

Okay one more...

Hehehehe

Talk at you soon, friends. Thank you for reading.

Send Out Your Ray of Sunshine

Well sometimes the sun shines on
Other people's houses and not mine.
Some days the clouds paint the sky all gray
And it takes away my summertime.
Somehow the sun keeps shining upon you,
While I struggle to get mine.
If there's a light in everybody,
Send out your ray of sunshine.

I want to walk the same roads as everybody else, 

Through the trees and past the gates.
Getting high on heavenly breezes,
Making new friends along the way.
I won't ask much of nobody,
I'm just here to sing along.
And make my mistakes looks gracious,
And learn some lessons from my wrongs.

-JMrizzle

When I walk around town, I tend to keep my head up but my eyes down. Between the catcalls from creeps and the awkwardness of seeing familiar faces that I don't really know in a small, foreign town, I often just get into my walking zone on a mission and avoid eye contact. It seems like the easier option but upon reflection, I have to remind myself that this is only a disservice to myself and everyone around me. Even if I look like a grinning fool, what's the harm in just flashing a smile to everybody I pass, sending out my "ray of sunshine"?  Maybe I can improve a tiny moment of a familiar stranger's life or at the very least, give them the impression that we gringos are a friendly and approachable people. 

Anyway, update time!

Since the last time we talked, my friend Mark came to visit! Minus one drunk debacle, it was a great couple weeks. Highlights: we swam in several waterfalls, kayaked around a lagoon inside a volcano crater, a monkey peed on my lap, we pet a llama, I almost died climbing a hillside during a jungle hike in the Amazon, we tried chicha (fermented maize chewed up by indigenous people, spit out, and then consumed), we held a baby crocodile, ate tons of delicious Ecuadorian dishes, and played a lot of rummy (and I won every game). 

just monkeying around

No probllama

After I sent him packing, I spent a couple days catching up on sleep and netflix and then it was time for Corpus Christi 2014! This year, I was not feeling being in the parade like last year. It's a whole lot of people staring at you as you walk through town slowly, red in the face, being forced to take shots for a few hours. Not really Chelsea's cup of tea. I was happy to be a spectator this time around.

not just because some of the men were shirtless.

After all the festivities died down, it was time to get excited for the World Cup! A couple friends and I went to the capital to watch the big games for Ecuador and the US and guess what- they both lost! Argh! But we showed up decked out in patriotic gear for both of our teams. Since the US advanced, I will NOT be wearing red, white, and blue because apparently I jinxed it last time.

Yep, those are all the updates, I think. I've got a beach trip coming up that should be super sweet. The school year is almost finished so I haven't been doing much productivity wise, which makes the time kinda drag by. So if you'd like to be the highlight of my day, let's set up a skype date! :)

Until next time... don't forget about the sunshine song.

A Cure for the Blue Box Blues

I don't like to brag about cooking but I've been cooking for about 10 years and now I cook all 3 (sometimes 4) meals a day for myself every day (except the occasional restaurant splurge) and this was the best dish I have ever made. Ever.

The pasta of my dreams

Okay this picture does not do it justice. In fact, this photo actually makes it look kinda gross when in reality, it was a flavor soiree to which my taste buds were cordially invited. (Too awesome to call it a plain ol' party in my mouth.) It's basically fancy mac n' cheese. Couldn't find elbow macaroni so this is mini bowtie pasta. It has mozzarella, smoked gouda, and sauteed garlic and onion with longaniza sausage and some crunchy crackers crushed on top (crazy crafty alliteration, no?). I baked it for a couple minutes but not actually long enough because it smelled so good I couldn't wait. I was also going to dice up some fresh tomato to put on top but that also became irrelevant once the fork was on its way to my salivating mouth.

When my uterus talks, sometimes I listen, and sometimes it turns out really, really well. Tonight was one of those times. Glorious. I want to thank the Academy for their support and my dear mother for sending me the cheese.

In other news, not too much has been going on in this neck of the woods. I went on a class trip to the Amazon last week, which was so much fun and I never want to do it ever again. Okay, that's dramatic. It was just really exhausting. I tagged along with the 8th grade class (which is 1 year younger than our 8th grade so the kids were about 12 years-old). This is my favorite class because the kids are really respectful and excited to learn English, but they're still young enough to have reckless fun without the "too cool" high school attitude.

We went for a nature walk by the Puyo River, went swimming at a big outdoor pool complex, and then went to a bird zoo. We left Pujili at 4am and got back at 10:30pm and those children talked, sang, and yelled the ENTIRE time. I envy their endless energy. (Super poetic tonight. Musta been the mac.) The swimming complex had a high dive! Hadn't jumped off a diving board since I was a kid so I immediately took the leap (lol). My friend/co-teacher was nice enough to take a photo of it.

nailed it.

I couldn't talk a single kid into jumping off even the low dive. Could be because only 2 of the 35 knew how to swim, but whatever... YOLO, amirite?! (Jk.)

I also made some chocolate crinkle cookies for the trip that were to-die-for! AND I made it the entire day without a single mosquito bite! That alone makes it a successful day in my book.

Other than that, I haven't been doing much. Sometimes I watch 3 hours straight of How I Met Your Mother. Sometimes I play with makeup and take selfies.

that pensive look (thinking about mac n' cheese)

Sometimes I go to rumba, sometimes I just dance in my living room. Sometimes I eat cereal for lunch and chifles for dinner. Sometimes I read OPB (Other People's Blogs) all night. (I'm down with OPB, yeah you know me.) My favorites are: The Bloggess, Gweenbrick, A Beer for the Shower, and McSweeney's Internet Tendency. Sometimes I take naps. And by sometimes I mean almost every day.

It's a glamorous life I lead but somebody's gotta do it. But really, they're always saying Peace Corps volunteers have way more free time than they've ever had before and will probably ever have again. I'm okay with it. I'm pretty good at entertaining myself even when I'm doing virtually nothing. I'm not claiming it doesn't get lonely. It does. But I'm getting better at enjoying my own company.

But I also get to look forward to MARK being here in 10 days!!! Adventure time! I'll write again after his trip and regale you with stories of travel and laughs.

Until next time... Thank you for reading. Thank you for caring.

Abrazos,
Chels